what if

what if
i realized that i had been in love with you
the way you were in love with me

what if
i realized that my first love had been sitting there
right next to me
first grade of junior high

what if
i knew that those pink envelopes
i passed along to the prettiest girl in class
would hold promises made
to me

what if
i had been spared
all those years of loneliness
and feelings of unwantedness
because i had a boyfriend
in you

what if
i had never left this city
because you were in it
and it was good enough
already

what if
i could not be
the person
i am today

and i thank the Lord
for those days
when i didn't realize
that i
might have loved you
as much
as you had loved me
and held me dearly
in your mind