the price of following one's heart

the price of following one's heart,
is sometimes hard to gauge.
could cost one nothing at all,
could cost one a zillion things at once.

the price of following one's heart,
often means taking a winding road,
a puzzle-like map into the the unknown,
and hitting the wall multiple times.

the price of following one's heart,
is very dear.

the price of following one's heart,
is to get lost.
lost in the darkness of one's soul,
asking if there will ever be light at the end of the tunnel,
setting the heart free of misery and never-ending referee.

the price of following one's heart,
is to feel pain,
confusion,
bewilderment,
excitement.

taste the tanginess of sweat and tears,
wipe the occasional blood dripping through the pores,
of one's broken heart.

the price of following one's heart,
is the readiness to heal oneself.

the price of my heart,
is you.

Ann Arbor, April 28, 2009

six six six

six is a lucky number,
for the world was blessed to welcome you.

six is a lucky number,
for the hours shared picturing distant stars and awesome dreams.

six is a lucky number,
for the days of sunlight and moonshine at hand.

Come,
and Walk with me.

Ann Arbor, April 25, 2009

Inspired by Clint Eastwood :p

and i love you more than the others ;p

indeed,
i love you more than the others ;p

not because you are the most beautiful looking,
though beautiful you are, indeed.

not because you are the best dancer ever,
though i think you are really really awesome.

not because you are the gentlest person that ever grace the face of the earth,
though i kind of have a glimpse on how sweet you could be.

not because you are the easiest person to work with,
though i know now better than when i first started.

i love you more than the others ;p
because of the way you bloom like a shy daffodil on the Diag

i love you more than the others ;p
because of the rare jokes and silliness that escaped from time to time from your fiercely guarded efficiency.

i love you more than the others ;p
because of the way your smile lights up your face at those moments when you let your guards down.

i love you more than the others ;p
because you eventually let your guards down at all.

i love you more than the others ;p
because i feel deep inside of someone calling out,
someone who are as carefree as a bird,
as cheerful as a Summer sunshine,
as fleet-footed as a deer in Fall,
as gorgeous as a rainbow on an early Spring day,
as amazing as my first snow of the legendary Michigan Winter.

i love you more than the others ;p
because you continue to amaze me,
but not surprise me.

i love you more than the others ;p
because i know,
there is so much more to come.

and i am sad,
because i won't be there to uncover the jewels,
of your personality puzzle.

but still,
you are right....
i love you more than the others ;p

but you are wrong,
because it is not something that you need to live up to,
because i love you,
for what it's worth,
for who you are.

and i love the way,
you bloom...
slowly....

may your Spring be magical,
as magical as the flower,
which is You.

Ann Arbor, April 19, 2009

Inspired by and dedicated to a very special friend whose words are quoted in this poem ;p

senandungku untukmu

sesaat terdiam,
terpaku,
terlena.

menatap hari demi hari yang akan terlewatkan,
tanpamu,
dan hatiku terperanjat.

selirih senja merambat perlahan,
rindu gelap menapaki jalan setapak mimpi,
ah...rasanya tak ingin berpisah.

selintas mata berpadu,
dan ingin kukatakan,
betapa aku ingin menyapamu.

dengan setiap tatapan mata,
dengan setiap kata permana,
dengan setiap langkah tertata.

ingin kuterawang mimpi ini,
dan kupersembahkan kepadamu,
dalam karangan bunga musim semi.

dan ketika matahari menyinari,
kuinginkan hangatnya menyapamu,
dan berkata,
apa kabar, cantik?

dalam mimpiku kusenandungkan sebuah lagu,
berselimutkan doa dan harapan,
akan kebahagiaan yang akan menjemputmu.

karena kau.... indah adanya.

senandungku untukmu,
senandung sunyi dalam kalbu,
yang takkan pernah kauterawang apa maknanya.

and for you,
a silent song i sing,
may it be a lullaby,
that sends you the best dreams,
sends you off into spring.

Ann Arbor, April 19, 2009

Hey Beautiful!

Hey Beautiful,
nice to see you today,
did i tell you how sweet it was to dance in your arms last night?
no, maybe not.

Hey Beautiful,
look at the spring outside,
the sun so bright and everybody is so happy,
where are you?

Hey Beautiful,
i wonder why i can't get you out of my head,
thinking of of how long it took me to see,
the beauty of your soul.

Hey Beautiful,
how are you today?
hope you managed to come fresh to work,
after regretting the fact that you stayed up much too late last night.

Hey Beautiful,
did i tell you i liked the way you look,
with your new haircut and the contact lenses?
you did, by the way, look really cute.

Hey Beautiful,
stop taking life so seriously by its neck,
you look much cuter when you are smiling,
and when you are making jokes....oh so divine...

Hey Beautiful,
this is not a love poem,
though i wish it could have been,
because you certainly deserve one.

Hey Beautiful,
you are special in every way,
and though it takes some time and getting used to,
your charm is beyond belief.

Don't ever ask, whether this is special for you,
Just take it, believe in it...
Just inhale the sweetness and let it be...
For special people deserve special appreciation,
And you are certainly one of a kind.

For sometimes life needs no reasoning,
oh well....look who's talking...
But appreciate yourself and let yourself shine,
For forever will I remember,
how beautiful you are,
to me.

Ann Arbor, April 17, 2009
Dedicated to M.J.

splashes of colors

i wonder how it feels,
to see the world in black and white,
where what we want and what we don't want,
are easily defined,
and lines are easily drawn.

i wonder how it feels,
to be able to put life in two opposite columns,
and starting to check the items off,
one by one.

i wonder how it feels,
to be you.

for my life has always been grey,
grey not because it's a pathetic one,
no,
not that kind of grey.

i love blurring things up,
and pretend that life is purely up to me,
that things are never black or white,
that people are never black or white.

things are simply grey.

there are things that are simply greyish,
or light grey,
or mildly grey,
or dark grey,
or dark vivid grey.

but i love the illusion of power,
of being able to decide,
whether i would like to see them more towards white,
or black,
or leave them as they are,
simply grey.

a mix of things.

i love my pallet of colours,
with which i can splash some red,
or yellow,
or my favourite blue,
or purple,
or green.

and all those colours will not be shadowed by the blackness,
nor the whiteness,
of my canvas.

i wonder how it feels,
for me to hand you my pallet,
and urge you to soak your fingers and toes,
in paints.

and dance....
just dance....
and spray the colours all around you...
make yourself dirty...
and all messed up....

just for the sake,
of not being so black and white,
anymore.

Ann Arbor, 01.23.2009

Inspired by R.

a monument

I put you on a pedestal,
a reminder of days bygone,
a reminder of what might have been,
a reminder of what might not.

I put you on a pedestal,
and from time to time,
I look up and wonder,
wondering whether one of these days,
I can take you down.

I put you on a pedestal,
so I can still hear your voice,
from up there above me,
ringing loud and clear,
piercing my soul,
reminding me of all the things I should be thankful for.

And thankful I am,
for I only have you in my memory,
for your venomous words can no longer shoot through my heart,
for the fact,
that you are no longer in my life.

I put you on a pedestal,
to remind me of my own glory,
to remind me of how grateful I am,
for a life,
without you.

Ann Arbor, 01.14.2009

For: YDI, I found myself still thinking of you, one of the few things I've always been considering to put down as a 'regret'... but no, I live a life of 'no regret'. not even you, could change that.

Unfaithful

engmy heartbeat skipped a beat,
when his skin touched mine,
his smile created millions of beautiful pictures,
his scent pictures zillions of grant images.

and for a moment,
i miss him more than you.

when the nearness became unbearable,
and the distance became so profound,
the heat is burning me alive.

and for a moment,
wild imagination fleeted by.

of me in his arms,
instead of yours,
of my eyes caressing his,
instead of yours.

and yet,
the world goes round,
and i am still yours,
instead of mine.

a piece of art and imagination dedicated to all long distance relationships
Ann Arbor, November 3, 2008

to my imaginary friend...

Today, you are a mere figment of my imagination...

Your kind words...

Your warm touch...

Your laughter echoing down the hallways of my memory.

Today, you are a dark shadow at the doorsill of my private chamber...

Your smile shimmered in the darkness...

I could see it in the way your ears shooting upward with each gesture.

I cannot see, though,

The sharp gaze of you cool grey eyes,

Locking into mine and challenging me.

I cannot feel, though,

The strength of your arms,

Hugging me and telling me not to worry.

I cannot tell you, though,

How much I miss your presence,

Lending me strength to go on,

Lending me ears to listen to my adventures.

But I still feel you here...

Through the wheels you put under my soles,

Through the wings you grew on my back,

Through the belief you planted in my heart...

That I can soar high...

Higher than I expected,

That I can move forward....

Farther than I have ever imagined.

I simply wish,

That wind would carry this feeling of missing you,

And would somehow shower you with blessings and happiness...

Wherever you are...

My imaginary friend.