Unfaithful

engmy heartbeat skipped a beat,
when his skin touched mine,
his smile created millions of beautiful pictures,
his scent pictures zillions of grant images.

and for a moment,
i miss him more than you.

when the nearness became unbearable,
and the distance became so profound,
the heat is burning me alive.

and for a moment,
wild imagination fleeted by.

of me in his arms,
instead of yours,
of my eyes caressing his,
instead of yours.

and yet,
the world goes round,
and i am still yours,
instead of mine.

a piece of art and imagination dedicated to all long distance relationships
Ann Arbor, November 3, 2008

to my imaginary friend...

Today, you are a mere figment of my imagination...

Your kind words...

Your warm touch...

Your laughter echoing down the hallways of my memory.

Today, you are a dark shadow at the doorsill of my private chamber...

Your smile shimmered in the darkness...

I could see it in the way your ears shooting upward with each gesture.

I cannot see, though,

The sharp gaze of you cool grey eyes,

Locking into mine and challenging me.

I cannot feel, though,

The strength of your arms,

Hugging me and telling me not to worry.

I cannot tell you, though,

How much I miss your presence,

Lending me strength to go on,

Lending me ears to listen to my adventures.

But I still feel you here...

Through the wheels you put under my soles,

Through the wings you grew on my back,

Through the belief you planted in my heart...

That I can soar high...

Higher than I expected,

That I can move forward....

Farther than I have ever imagined.

I simply wish,

That wind would carry this feeling of missing you,

And would somehow shower you with blessings and happiness...

Wherever you are...

My imaginary friend.

i want to be blue...

i want to be blue,
not the color of sadness...
but the color of serenity.

i want to be blue,
not like five-day-old bruises,
but like the petals of little wild flowers on my lawn.

i want to be blue,
not like frozen hearts,
but like the warm sky full of sunlight.

i want to be blue,
not the color of sadness,
but the color of peace,
...calm,
...serenity,
...compassion,
truth...

the color of vast blue ocean which takes everything in,
even if it makes it dying...
the color of warm blue sky which gives you a space to look up and let you be carried away,
the color of Earth seen from millions of light years away...

i want to blue,
and i am inviting you....

i want to be blue,
'cos blue sky was what i wanted,
as i was waking up to a drizzle outside my window.

i want to be blue,
the color of peace.

and peace be with you...

forced to wake up...

i have a dream...
a dream of a place full of love,
compassion and understanding.

a place where people can be different,
and be protected for it.

a place where i don't have to feel helpless,
every time my heart bleeds silently,
for all the violence and despair.

i dream of love and peace reigning in this world.

but then i was jolted up,
awake,
wild-wide eyed..

no...no...
not another one...
no...please let this be a dream...

but no.
it is not.
not a dream.
not a good dream, at least.

Indonesia, June 2, 2008

it's a funny feeling..

it's a funny feeling,
to extract experience into fiction.

to pretend, as if you and me were mere fictional characters,
in the story feeding in the net through my keyboard.

it's a funny feeling,
to have the illusion,
of having my heart tied in several places,
choking blood and oxygen out of it,
the way i felt..
when i was with you...
simply by writing about it.

and gosh,
it was so so so long time ago.

i guess the shroud of negativity never really left me.

and boy,
how am i glad to have left...

i am not saying i have never looked back, but not in regret...
no, not at all...
not in regret.

sometimes i wondered,
what i could have done differently...
would it make much sense at all...
would it have been better if i had never met you at all
and spare both of us from the works and the damage...

but then again,
it was sweet while the icing lasted,
considering i have never liked icings anyway...

and then...
life was too good to be missed out.

what are meant to be....

As life goes by,

The more I see,

How things that are meant to be,

Simply fall into place.

Like pieces of a puzzle,

Piece by piece,

Forming a beautiful picture,

One piece at a time.

No matter how long it takes,

The winding road it makes,

The twists and turns of the hikes,

For the universe to make it work,

It simply finally come into form,

Beautiful moments at their own time and terms.

But on the other hand,

Some things,

Are simply not meant to be.

And no matter how hard you try,

And how big your wish is for things to work out.

At the end of the day,

You just simply have to let it be.

Let it be…

For the pieces are not a part of your picture..

They don't belong there inside your puzzle.

Just let it be…

And find the other pieces

Which will fit together beautifully.

And beautiful it is,

The puzzle of your own life,

Piece by piece.

Shower of love...

Pernahkah bertanya,
Seandainya semua berbeda...

Seandainya aku tahu,
Apa yang kuketahui hari ini,
Apakah semuanya akan berakhir lain?

Apakah langkah dan hidup akan membawaku ke tempat yang berbeda?
Ataukah pada akhirnya akan tetap sama?
Karena kita memang tidak ditakdirkan bersama...

Sahabat,
Kalau boleh ku memanggilmu seperti itu...
Aku bersyukur bahwa kita telah mengambil jalan tak sama...
Dan lebih bersyukur lagi karena telah dipertemukan kembali denganmu...

Karena kenangan dan keindahan itu
Tak pernah lekang oleh waktu
Selalu segar dalam ingatan dan hatiku

Setiap saat mengingatmu,
Selalu ada rasa hangat dan senyum di bibirku.
Yang mungkin....
Tidak akan ada di situ...
Kalau saja kita sempat mengambil jalan itu.

Makasih ya Bos,
For giving me such a surprise,
And such great feeling.

And I hope our friendship will last,
As we weave our different destinies and path.

To you, my "twin", the shower of love I pray,
eternally.

--
kleinetheresia.blogsome.com
eptheresia.blogspot.com
eptheresia.multiply.com

TGIF...again...

Thank God It's Friday...
was one of the things crossing my mind that day...
though never in my life I may
guess what life has in store for me that day.

as any Friday goes in my super ordinary life
another week is rolling down in another wave...

and yet, that day I would wind down with a big grin across my face
for all the shock and surprises.

a message rang through my cell phone,
and for a moment I was just sitting there trying to decipher it...
Who on earth it is?

a message from a not so distant past...
followed by such a nerve calming phone conversation...

gosh...how I still remember your voice...
with the rhythm, choices of words, jokes...
and yet, I was so relieved, because the dreaded cynicism never came across.

Hello there, it was great to be able to laugh with you again....
with no tension over the phone...
Gosh...it really felt good...

and as if life decided to bring all my glorious past on me that particular day...
somewhere through MSN,
all of a sudden popped a familiar name, blinking green...

Hello there...how are you doing?
And the chat was amazing...
as if we have never stopped talking
and I finished the day beaming...
and thinking...
"What have I done this week to deserve such nice surprises?"

A cute phonecall after lunch...
sure...if I forgot to mention that
somebody would be really mad.

And as I thought that the day was coming to an end...
As calls of prayer resounded through walls...
A phonecall went through...again...

And as I picked up the phone...
I was led into yet, another huge surprise...

Oh my...what a lucky day...
And through the night I whispered a little prayer...

"Thank you for today...
Thank you for all my life...
and for blessing me with such people..
Whose warm touch and 'voices' have been inspiring me in this journey...
Thank you...
For all the treasures...
Thank you....for such a wonderful and magical Friday"

Banda Aceh, Friday, January 25, 2008

what happens when you're tired?

what happens when you are tired?
do you get bored?
do you get physically sick?
do you get unproductive?
all day long sitting, starring till your eyes pop out to the ever-blinking monitor?

i wish i could simply let go...
and lie down and let myself be calmed with some lullabies
wish i could shut down this computer and just let it sit...
just let it sit...

there are questions whether the whole thing is made for me, at all...
whether i am made for this thing at all,
and it does not really help when deep down inside i have to admit...
i don't know...
i simply don't have a clue...

all i know is that at this point of time...
i want to stop...
just quit...
move on
and does not look back...

but then again,
maybe it is just exhaustion...
...i hope this is just exhaustion....

Banda Aceh, January 17, 2008