stuck in the mud

stuck in the mud
and couldn't get away

stuck in the mud
and each step grew heavier and heavier and heavier

stuck in the mud
and the stubborn mud clinging to the soles of the shoes

stuck in the mud
there we were under the glarring sun

and yet the unavoidable question lingered:
"would you bear it with me?"

simple, stupid moments like getting stuck in the mud
with choices as many as leaving you under the sun...
getting the first ride home...
or staying there knowing that i'm almost quite useless....

but then again..
shouldn't i learn to trust you more?
knowing that things would be okay, eventually...

and that if i don't trust you enough to know that you could deal with us being stuck in the mud
and walk away...
how could i ever trust you with my life...
and me with yours?

at the end of the day,
"thank you for sticking with me, though you could have walked away..."

you know,
"it's not that it didn't cross my mind...but if just because of being stuck in mud made me walk away, then WE should not deserve another chance..."

and that as simple as being stuck in the mud,
could be the gravest sign to say,
and might be the simplest, worst, or best, choice a partner could take.


Banda Aceh, 11 - 13 March 2007.

sunshine....sunshine...

sunshine...sunshine...

pours down showering everything.
and everything goes hot...and hot...and hot...

sitting in a working room in a tropical country called Indonesia...

with a big standing fan turning and turning and turning behind my back..

and yet...it's SO hot..

beautiful sky, though...

beautiful day...

and since it's a beautiful life...

no reason to complain...

but still....
phew, it's hot.

rainy morning..

Cloudy morning, and yet still a ray of hope that it does not rain…

And yet it rains…and leaves the earth damp..

Damp and moist and tracks of mud clinging on your shoes…

And yet…damp with life.

As water pours down from the sky in countless drops of tiny tears.,

Is the world crying?

Is the sky grieving for the loss and pain we experience?

Or is the universe shedding tears out of sympathy for us?

Did the tears of the universe fall out of sadness, or maybe out of joy?

The joy of sharing its beauty with foolish, unfortunate creatures called humankind?

The sinister smile cause we never seem to learn enough?

Or simply pure joy for giving us the life beautiful life that maybe few of us deserve?

And yet…the rain seems so beautiful on its own,

Since life it brings.. pours down on painful, happy, cheerful, sad, deserted, full with life hearts of men and women…

And yes, today seems like a beautiful, glorious day…

Seems like the rain brings good luck

HOPEFULLY...

fear for your life...

fear for your life...
if you really want to live...
fear for your life...
if you love this dear precious life...

but which fear is more imminent than the fear of the lives of your loved ones?
out of helplessness
despair...and fear...

fear not for your life...
but, can we?

today i am 27 years and 1 day old..
and beyond any imagination, i celebrated my birthday somewhere next to the western tip of Indonesia...quite amazing...

what a mystery life is...
especially when you look back and see how much you've done, the opportunities you've missed..the distance you've travelled, and the thought that even in your wildest dream you wouldn't have imagined doing even half of everything you've done.

so i guess i'll enjoy my stay..and make the best of it...

what a mystery life is...
and since you cannot really look back and undo...
or far ahead and see things coming...
then let today be the best moment ever...and tomorrow even better ones...

Banda Aceh, July 14, 2006